Beyond the Veil of Midnight
by Ichikawa Akine
Summary: Iwaizumi reminisces to Oikawa's grave about their buried past and nonexistent future. "We neither lied, nor made mistakes. We didn't fail, nor do anything wrong. And although at that time we did our best, the memories, the thoughts... Time has changed it all. Promises to tears, vows to wounds, and a dear person... Into a wonderful memory. Inside the eternity." -Takahashi Nanami


_7.20.2006_ | _2_ _:34 PM_

It happened on a hot and sunny afternoon when the two were walking to the park, right before Iwaizumi's eyes. It was the most vivid memory stored in that mind that, before the incident, was filled with volleyball, and just volleyball. Radiating heat stung their bare feet, melting popsicles cooling them down from the inside.

It happened quickly, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

A gunman appeared in the two's sight, aiming at the small, petrified children cowering behind the playground.

He didn't even need to think, Iwaizumi just sped up and approached the man, trying to calm him down, as Oikawa called the police. It seemed the gunman was an ex-military soldier who was discarded by the higher-ups due to his mental instability.

"Now, now. Don't shoot the children. In what way would that help you? They don't even have money."

Turning around, the gunman put Iwaizumi in his line of fire. Knowing that he needed to slowly escape that fatal line, as he put his hands up while backing towards Oikawa, who was still on the phone, he begged him.

"Please, please don't shoot. The kids… They still have the rest of their life to live."

The man saw Oikawa on the phone, and with lips dripping with venom, he snarled, "Don't you dare call the cops! And to hell with that! 'The kids have the rest of their lives to live'? Who cares about those worthless lives?"

Just like that, the gunman went out of control. He shot spasmodically, and as Iwaizumi moved out of the way of the speeding bullet, it hit Oikawa right in the chest.

Oikawa fell, and there were sirens. There were crying children as the cops grabbed hold and immobilized the gunman. Most importantly, Oikawa wasn't moving. He wasn't getting up, and he wasn't screaming the usual "Iwa-chan!".

Iwaizumi couldn't even think. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. Oikawa was there, laying face down. The friend that he has always been with for their entire lives. His only friend, and first love.

Everything after that was nothing but a blur. It was dark, even though it was the afternoon, and the sun shone persistently to open up the fog clouding Iwaizumi's vision. Beyond the veil of midnight, was the silhouette of a man about the same size as Oikawa. The veil was unbreakable, untouchable. It was beyond reach of Iwaizumi's soul.

* * *

 _7.20.2014_ | _3_ _:13 PM_

Iwaizumi's pain continued on. Not once did he visit Oikawa's grave, not once did he pray. For the past eight years, he did nothing. The dull, constant pain haunted him.

Today, he wanted to change that.

"Hey, Shittykawa. How many years has it been? Eight? Are you still doing okay there, in heaven, where you don't belong? You definitely have a lot of girls all over you, still. I... I know I haven't been here to see you. And well, although I didn't act like it, but well, I, I... I loved you. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think of you every single day of the eight years I haven't looked at your ugly face. What brings me here, you say? Well, remember that one lotion or whatever it was you gave to me? The one that smelled of 'ocean musk'? When you... When you... Died, I kept it, for whatever reason, since it smells really bad, but I used it everyday, nonetheless back then. I didn't tell you, but looking back, you probably could tell. Anyway, I found it and smelled it, because I had forgotten that thing still existed, and it brought me all these memories. I... I just wanted to talk to you a little, so please, please shoulder my burden."

Iwaizumi winced for a moment, due to how cheesy that just sounded, but nevertheless continued on.

"Hey, Oikawa, when we first met, it was when our moms became friends since we were neighbors, right? I moved to that town because my biological father was violent, so my mom divorced him. That was when we both were only four. My biological father was actually quite scary. I never wanted to see him again. But right now, thinking back on it, he used to be really kind. I wonder what happened. Ah, sorry, I strayed off topic. Anyway, when we met, I didn't like how loud you were. It made me want to smack you. You still make me want to smack you, but I guess I can't, anymore. I should have smacked you when I had the chance. But... I guess it was better after a week or two, when you came over to my house and asked me if we could catch some stag beetles. How'd you know I liked stag beetles, anyway?"

By then, Iwaizumi's complexion became beet red. He had to pause for a few seconds before talking.

"Then, we went into the woods, and found a really, really, really big stag beetle. It flew away, though. Somehow, I had grown attached to that beetle, and was sorta sad, being the four year old I was. You patted me on the back until I stopped crying. We got along well after that, and you wouldn't stop sticking to me. When I began to take an interest in volleyball, you decided to do it with me, and before we knew it, we joined an elementary volleyball club. You didn't get the hang of it at first, so I had to teach you some moves, but slowly you grew to be better than me. I honestly felt kind of mad, mostly frustrated, and driven to keep getting better to catch up with you. When I did, we were like a perfect match... In- in volleyball, I mean! You were a great setter for our age, and I was your ace, or so I liked to think. Soon, we were in grade school, and my grades got better. Do you remember that kid we were friends with at first, in like, second grade? He was big and tall, and he hated us, but pretended to like us. We fell for his act at first, but after that, when we were being our weird selves, he beat you up while I wasn't there, and you came home with bruises all over your body... You didn't tell me this was going on until a week after it started, and I was infuriated. Why don't you tell me this stuff? I immediately went to his house and hit him harder than he could ever hit you. I think I might've broken his nose. I was suspended for a week after that. It still makes me angry, however many years later. How many years was it? We're both 29, and we were... Seven, at the time? Twenty-two years, was it? Man, that's scary."

Iwaizumi looked up at the sky, and then his phone.

"It's getting late, so I'll be heading home. But I'll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that... However many days telling our story, reminiscing upon our past takes."

* * *

 _7.21.2014 | 10_ _:28 AM_

 _"_ Oikawa. I'm here like I promised," Iwaizumi said, wearing dark jeans and a graphic tee. He had flowers in one hand and a candle in the other. He put down both and continued to talk. "After the boy, we just played volleyball like normal. We were the youngest ones in the club, oldest ones being around twelve. Even so, our coach gave us special treatment. He wouldn't stop telling us we had a lot of potential. Naturally, this raised hostility between other students. They anonymously bullied us by putting pins in our shoes, throwing away our stuff, scribbling on our desks at school. But your looks blossomed at the time, so it wasn't so bad after a year. We were in the same elementary school club, and girls began to come watch you. It pissed me off. Even in middle school, high school, and college, it pissed me off. I got used to it, though. All the girls liked you. The guys hated you. Apparently the girls that they liked all liked you. What are you, a shoujo manga protagonist? Even so, the girls that dated you all dumped you because you were so infatuated with volleyball. After grade school, we entered Kitagawa Daiichi. Our first year was hard, catching up to all of our amazing seniors. And that... Was when my mom got a boyfriend. He seemed nice when I first met him. It turned out later, though, that he wasn't the great person both my mom and I thought him to be. However, she still, for some reason, loved him. Even though he slowly, but surely unwound my mom's mental state. I would always come to your house. I loved the atmosphere so, so, so much. Compared to my house back then, it was a paradise. I became depressed at the time, and I can't even describe it now. I was the ultimate hypocrite back then. I kept telling you to tell me everything, but I couldn't tell you, I just couldn't. That man... He was exactly like the man my mom had me with. It was almost scary."

Iwaizumi was trembling, he could barely keep going.

"When I told my mom to divorce him, she refused. I almost couldn't handle it anymore. However, you noticed. You calmed me down, and you helped me so much. I think... I think... I think that's when... I fell in love with you. Going through all that was hard, but with you, it seemed as if it really was going to be okay. And it was. The first time that wretched man struck my mother, I was there, and... Sorry, I, uh... I'm straying off topic again."

He teared up, but quickly wiped away the ethereal pearls that were threatening to spill.

"Our second year was basically the same as our first, but we both were even more driven to beat our seniors. Rapidly, you improved that time. I had to keep up, so I could be your ace. It was truly, truly rewarding to become regulars in games. However, in our third year, Kageyama came, and just completely screwed you over. You were overworking, and it was so, so, so painful to watch. If I didn't stop you, you'd probably keep working yourself to death. I hated it. I completely hated it. Watching the one that you love suffer is the most painful to experience. I'm probably not one to talk, though. When I watched you practice, and practice, and practice, I... I simply couldn't handle it, and when I knocked some sense into you, it was hard not to cry, myself. I'd rather be the one to handle all the pain in the world, every single thing, if it meant that you wouldn't suffer. Please, please don't do that again. Well... I guess... You... You can't, anymore, right? I hate it. I hate myself so, so much. If I didn't tell you that I wanted to go to that park, would you still be alive? If I hadn't let my impulse swallow me, would you be right next to me, right now? If I never met you, would you still be playing volleyball and being your own stupid self? _If I hadn't been born... Would you have been happier?"_

 _No... I didn't mean to cry... I... He..._

"I'm... going to head home for today. I'll be back. I'll definitely be back."

* * *

 _7.22.2014 | 5:09 PM_

"I'm... I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't intend for that to happen. I didn't mean to have a break down like that so suddenly. So... Please forgive me. I'll keep going from the point I was at before I began to doubt myself."

Iwaizumi was still trembling. He still couldn't handle being here.

"In high school, I think I loved you more, way more, than before. I, wandering aimlessly, had finally found something to cling to four years ago, in middle school. I clung to you and clung to you... And it was in high school I realized I couldn't let you go, anymore. Your hand... In mine, I wanted you all to myself. So I confessed."

He clenched his hand in a fist. _Oikawa..._

"I decided to confess that day a long time ago. I called you out for only that reason. Honestly, during these eleven years we knew each other, the four I've liked you, I thought about giving up. I even started avoiding you, even going on group dates. It was like I was testing myself. But, just a glance at you, for just one moment, and all those feelings came rushing back. When I finally understood that those feelings would never change, I made a promise to myself. No matter what, I would make you happy. If you agreed to spend your life with me, I would always protect you. Because I just... Wanted us to be together. Forever. That's what I thought."

"However, since you're not with me now... It looks like I failed. I failed to make you happy, I failed to protect you. That one easy deed, to at least keep you alive and well, I could not do. Sorry, again, I have strayed. Anyway, in our first year, we began to go out. I was surprised when you answered in my favor, because I thought that you were clearly straight. The reason I confessed even when I thought that was because I just wanted to move on. Who knew, though that you would love me back, after so long. I felt like I had lived to meet you. When you died, I couldn't believe it. Who knew that... A person I loved so much, a person I held so close to me... would become but a memory."

Iwaizumi looked down and sighed.

"Another memory I remember vividly is when we went to watch fireworks together in the summer of our second year. We were both wearing our yukata, and sat next to each other." As he remembered the lacing of their fingers, his face became as red as a tomato. "We were both smiling. It was exactly as we had done in the past thirteen years, but something was different. And that something... Was how we felt about each other. I loved you, and you loved me. We didn't mess up, and we didn't lie. Yet... It's all gone, now. Nevertheless, we... I... I have to get past that. Our third year was filled with Kageyama and that Chibi-chan, so we didn't do much, but we were perfectly in sync. Even that, was a wonderful memory. The pain of losing, now that I think about it, was heaven compared to the pain and suffering I have to withstand now. It might be annoying for me to say this again, but I... I love you. Even though high school was a little more than ten years ago, I still remember it as though it were yesterday. These past eight years, since you've left me... What the hell have I been doing? Even though you're just a shitty guy... I just can't let you go. Thanks. I don't know why I'm thanking you, but... I don't think I ever got to say it while you were with me. Even in university. We didn't go to the same one, but we were with each other the same amount, if not more. All these years, I failed to say just a 'thanks'."

Iwaizumi flinched, but nevertheless went on.

"University was just us hanging out every now and then. No beautiful memories, yet everything we did had beautiful memories. Every time you said something stupid... Every time I smacked you... Every time we..." His face all of a sudden went red, and he looked away. "I forgot. There was the first time we had sex... You were the one who initiated it, and... It was very vanilla at first, but after a few times... We got... Ah, nevermind. I'm heading out today. It's getting dark. See you tomorrow."

* * *

 _7.23.2014 | 10_ _:51 AM_

"Shittykawa. I think the place I left off was about it. I just wanted to come back and say... I love you. I regret not protecting you. I regret just stomping into your life and leaving a mess. I wish you were here with me now. I'm sorry for letting you down." Iwaizumi had not yelled the entire time, but he simply couldn't hold it in anymore. The dam that held in the rushing river simply was not strong enough. "I'm sorry! I'm so... so, so, so, so, sorry. It was my fault, I know that. If I had just gotten shot, and not dodged it, you would still be here. I should have died, instead. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me. I know you probably find my presence annoying. I just... I just came to say this. I'll be going now. I'll be back if this overwhelming regret lifts. I'm so selfish. I'm sorry."

Just as Iwaizumi turned around, he felt someone grab onto his hand. He whipped his head toward the grave, but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. So he ignored it and turned to leave once more. It was then, when he heard, _"Iwa-chan... It's not your fault! I love you, too. So... Don't leave me. I love you. I love, love, love you!"_

Right before Iwaizumi's eyes was the very Oikawa Tooru, eyes stained with tears and face contorted with pain, thin and frail facing him. He could almost touch his boyfriend, but his hand went right through the sobbing boy's body. Even if it were just his wishful imagination, Iwaizumi responded.

 _"Okay."_

He went back to his house and slept. He woke up to tears on his pillow, and could not differentiate yesterday's... _or was it two days ago?_ From a dream. Despite that, he went back. Every single day, he went back to that grave.

 _Oikawa, I love you._

 _fin._

 **(A/N- Paragraph number 37 from the top was said by Takeuchi Masafumi, in the manga Bokura ga Ita, by Yuuki Obata. I changed up the names and tenses a little bit to match the situation. I got inspiration from that manga to write this. I thought I should just implement a line for fun. In no circumstances will I ever plagiarize intentionally.)**

 **-Ichikawa Akine**


End file.
